Say.

Just some random thoughts and I was taken back to old memories. High school and college though did not fared out so well for me; I had some pretty amazing experiences and sweet memories. It just goes on to show how life doesn't really turn out to be what you have expected.

It is always normal for me to start anew and explore my personality each year; since high school. I suffered too much during high school; being in an all girls' school really was challenging. I caused a girl to switch school just before her final year; she was quite influential and well, my social status went from normal to being flushed down the toilet. It was not my fault really but I didn't bother to explain myself too much.

Similarly, I had a terrible experience with my years in degree. I didn't bother to explain myself -AGAIN. I guessed that's how more troubles ensued and the matters got dragged on for so long that it lasted for almost 2 years now. You might think that the hardships that I'd endured had only made me stronger. Nonsense!

Sometimes when I think back I could only think that these are the challenges from the Lord Himself and I am supposed to accept my life as it plays out. That is what I believe. But I haven't gotten any stronger. I am still as gullible as ever.

This is quite a personal post. One thing for sure, the past does not represent the future. I suppose these experiences contribute to my current eccentricities and quirkiness. I don't bother how others view me as a friend anymore.

Heck, I need a normal social life.

Promise to Myself

So the wait is over. I am back to the blogging sphere! The weeks have been horrendously filled with nerve wrecking errands and worst of all, my dissertation. Feel free to download and read it by clicking this link: Carly's Dissertation

In conjunction to my countdown of 22 days till the final exams (finally, I'm graduating for my degree!); I made a 10 Resolutions before Exam checklist. Normally people would make New Year Resolutions as such but not for me. No, no, no. Desperate times call for desperate measures my friends.

Carly's Before the Exam Resolutions:

1. Stop making plans, start making sense. Make a study plan and stick to it. For real.
2. Eat healthily and sleep early during this period.
3. Remember to call and email parents just so not to make them worry too much.
4. Buy an Evidence Law textbook. Seriously it's time to get one!!!
5. Stop rambling and fretting about the misery of revisions. Get a life!
6. Cut down on my movies and TV series; I can always continue after the exams.
7. To finish my pre-BPTC errands by end of next week. It's a must!
8. To use up one stack of my A4 papers and 3 pens to the least. I brought so much but finished none -yet!
9. No more random fits or bitter emotions to deviate myself from books. Don't hate them, try loving them!
10. Lastly, to make myself study them books for at least 3 hours a day without fail so I can have the remaining 21 hours to myself.
    

Saints.

I am usually very clumsy. So very clumsy that I often get myself into big troubles. For the first time, I experienced this in the UK.

As most of you would've known now, I was called to the scholarship interview by the Middle Temple in London. As I was reaching the coach station in Victoria, I took out the letters to look for directions and tube instructions. Then I read something on the letter: "Please bring your BPTC offer letter and four passport sized photos."

I rummaged through my whole room the night before to look for the photos and as luck would place them; they were in my purse. Clumsiness. But I had totally forgot about the offer letter. I looked at the time, 45 minutes before the interview. I knew that I had a second offer letter in PDF format via email because as an international student, I have to fulfill further requirements. I tried to get online to check for any printing shop near the area but then, I'd disabled the internet on my handphone.

Instead of turning in a complete nervous wreck, I made my way to the Middle Temple. The area is just next to the embankment; meaning no shops. I walked straight into the Temple area, hoping to get into the library but it was closed. I walked uphill, past the main hall and into the lodging and administration offices. I heard someone sneezed and glanced into the window. There sat a man in front of his computer; with a printer on the table as well. I thought of begging him but on another glance, he also had a name plate on the table stating that he's a member of the Inn. I wouldn't want to offend any high-ranking member of the Inn!

I went to the hall, my final resort. I signed my name and asked the security guard for possibly, a printer-ready computer with internet connection. He said of course, and led me into the security office next to the entrance. He turned on internet explorer for me and asked me to use it. He further added that the computer is slightly slow. I thanked him and he left me to it.

I got my letter printed out and he gave me directions to the waiting room. There were 4 persons sitting there. I knew I was the only Asian because when I signed my name; I saw no other Asian names. As I was waiting, two clerks walked in and called out names. Three of them got called off to their respective panels. I was left there with another lady. She looked far more matured than me, possibly a postgraduate. At first, I thought she was a fellow clerk and was sitting in the area to keep an eye on us. Then, the only noise that broke the silence in the room was the pendulum of the old grandfather clock. I wasn't nervous about the interview but definitely was intimidated by the lady. Suddenly she stood up and walked towards me, said: "It's scary to wait, isn't it? I've been waiting for far too long. Oh, I think I came a little too early."

I smiled back at her and replied: "Yes, it's scary. What time is your slot by the way?"

Her slot is 2.15pm while mine is 2.30pm but she told me that there were a few interviewing panels and depending on the attendance, some might be earlier. Afterward, a clerk came in and called out my name.

"Fui Yap. Fui Yap." I walked towards her.
"Fui Yap, did I pronounce your name correctly? By the way, my name is Christa Richmond and please come with me"

I wished the lady good luck before I leave the waiting room and walked with Christa to the interview room. On our way, we walked past some champagne glasses. She told me don't bother, they're for use later; hinting that I will get to use them when I join Middle Temple.

She checked my details and followed me into the room. Then the rest is history.

So there you go, Middle Temple, where I met three friendly persons. Complete strangers but felt like friends to me. I am so thankful.

H.Y.P.O.C.R.I.S.Y.

Happy Easter Sunday to my fellow readers. For those of you who fasted; kudos to you! I remember some of my friends who'd successfully performed the fasting and prayers for a whole 40 days. So, to those who'd succeeded, I hope that the act will bring you closer to Him.

I always to find a way to get myself troubled for no good reason. Mentally disturbed. I couldn't get this term out of my head currently: "HYPOCRITICAL". It's the act of hypocrisy that one exhibits. I had recently witnessed the worst of hypocrisy. I am almost certain that this extent of hypocrisy triggered the alarm in my brain. I could've gone off anytime. It's even worse that those egomaniacs that I despise. I don't understand how some people can be so judgmental of others even after they judged themselves. Don't preach what you don't practice. But that doesn't happen very often, isn't it?

I remember once my brother was being judgmental; too judgmental about a singer I introduced to him. And now he's a big fan of hers and I just wouldn't stop picking on him for that. In fact, I was venting out my anger through my sarcasm to make him feel. Mean what you say and say what you mean, please. He's still pretty annoyed by me whenever I bring that matter up; basically every single time I introduce some new songs to him. I'd make him listen to my songs all because he screwed up badly once.

I don't say certain things about people because I don't want others to say those words at me. I've always said, certain things in life behave like a two-way street. I don't step into your lane and vice versa. Now, here's where I draw the line. You, being judgmental and a hypocrite, don't deserve to say those things to me so please just keep your mouth shut. And I don't need you to make me feel good either. It's a two-way street like I said; just zip it.

I am sometime narcissistic and live my life with a heck-care attitude, only because I really don't care so much. So don't make me even start caring because that's when I'll start losing my temper. This has turned out to be quite an angst-filled post. I am losing my sleep thinking of this. Guess I'll never fully comprehend just how some people behave. I need a good glass of red wine, some music and a good textbook to get me off this topic.